I can’t remember the last time I made New Year Resolutions… which only means one thing: I suck at keeping them, so why make them? I see the appeal behind it, however, or more like the optimism that comes with it. We all want more, better, bigger, just… more than the previous year. But then some of us realize that we are guilty of completely ignoring what was, and just focused on what will be.
I was never one for deep introspection or soul-searching; I don’t think I have enough emotional and mental capacity for that. Dwelling in the past is sometimes too exhausting that it’s actually counter-productive, methinks. But once in a while, I am reminded how putting yesterday to complete rest somehow diminishes our appreciation for the present and anticipation and excitement for the future.
2018 was, all in all, a good year for me. But then again, I can pretty much say the same for the years that came before. I realized that this is mostly because of my penchant for not dwelling on the bad and the downers.
The latter part of the year was particularly a bit of a rollercoaster for me, and it was mostly an internal thing. I am surrounded by family and friends that I am truly grateful for, I am doing things of my free will, and I am given opportunities – whether sought or unsought – that make me grow. Still, it was a rollercoaster, and lessons are learned along the way.
I’m going to focus on three lessons I (and presumably many others) have learned over the years, not just during the past year.
1. Stop Counting (Too Much)
Working with numbers, I can see why many would seek validation in number and figures: the number of friends and followers they have on social media, the number of times they were able to do something, the amount of money they have accumulated… the Numbers Game is certainly one heck of a tempting game to play and, once you win it, it’s also highly satisfying.
There’s this Accounting principle that also applies in real life, although not strictly following the same definition: substance over form. Or another one would be quality over quantity. Maybe it comes with adulting and aging, but I have learned to slow down and not focus too much on numbers. Start with what you have. Who knows, what you have may already be more than enough.
2. Choose Your Battles
The world isn’t out to get you. In fact, most of the world may not even be aware you exist, or care at all. There are battles worth fighting for, there are points worth making in an argument. I used to want to make my point across, no matter that no one cares to listen. I just had to put it out there.
But now? I’m not sure when it happened, but I started caring less about what others thought. And I started putting less effort in trying to change their perception. Impressing them, particularly if they are strangers, now ranks low on my list of things to do. (That’s why I give props to influencers out there for their laudable efforts.)
During one of my “thought sessions”, I was faced with the side of me that wanted to please others. Well, maybe not exactly please, but more like the side of me that didn’t want to displease others. I realized that I had the tendency to act in a way that will not stir the calm waters, so to speak. I was careful to not fully speak my mind because it might offend others and then all hell will break loose…
Then I thought, “others couldn’t care less whether they are offensive, hiding behind the I’m-just-being-honest excuse”, so why shouldn’t I, too?
That’s not to say that I go out there being intentionally offensive. It’s all a matter of timing and assessing the circumstances. Choose your battles, instead of going gung-ho and hurting yourself more in the process.
3. Love Yourself
And I don’t say that just because I’m an ARMY and a fan of BTS and what they stand for. But getting exposed to their Love Yourself campaign didn’t hurt, either.
In connection with Lesson #2 above, instead of appeasing everyone and putting others at ease, we should all choose to put ourselves first. Before making others happy, figure out first what makes you happy. Look at your weaknesses and accept that they’re part of who you are. This quote pretty much expresses my thoughts on this.
“Today, I am who I am with all of my faults and my mistakes. Tomorrow, I might be a tiny bit wiser, and that’ll be me too. These faults and mistakes are what I am, making up the brightest stars in the constellation of my life. I have come to love myself for who I am, for who I was, and for who I hope to become.” – RM of BTS
(But there is a thin line between self-love and selfish narcissism, so that’s where the balancing act should be made. I, for one, am pretty confident it won’t go over across that line, though.)
2019 is well underway, and it’s going to be another long year. Many more adventures to embark on, and so much more lessons to learn. Needless to say, the very idea excites me, and I cannot wait to see what’s in store for me, and for everyone these coming months.
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